Life itself has seemed to stop for the moment.

Well, at least for the life in the big city.

The holidays came and everyone are set to rest.

I sit by the sea, watching as each wave rush to the shore.

The wind is cool.

The sun is high.

People began crowding by the shallows.

I was looking for my piece of shore.

I was looking for some peace of mind.

I was looking for silence, solitude.

I was looking for that time when I watch the sea with you.

Then, I got a call.

It was you on the other line.

You were freezing in the cold of melting snow.

Your hands were purple and freezing.

While I keep my self from roasting, you were keeping yourself from cold.

While I wear the thinnest clothes, you were wearing the thickest jackets.

While I walk the hot sand, you walk the knee-high snow.

Our lives have simply gone their own paths.

I guess that’s just how it is,

When lovers live in different worlds.

It’s simply fascinating when love knows no weather.

When love knows no distance.

When love knows no time.

Just as a movie is made out of thousands of pictures breezing through the screen,

So are our lives made up of thousands of moments,

Each made to play a part of the whole.

Though I understand how we hope to live our lives in the future,

I could not deny that sadness is inevitable.

Moments intertwined in the whole scheme of things.

Moments caught in time.

Moments full of color and dull.

These and a whole lot more fill our present lives.

Lives of lovers living in different worlds.

As I set my eyes to sleep tonight,

Your day has just began.

I close my lights as your sun plays peek-a-boo by your window.

The world has not gone mad.

It’s just how things work when lovers live in different worlds.

I seek for you each moment

Though our moments do not meet.

I see your face in daylight

While I hope you dream of me at that time.

I wake to see the beauty of life

And you sleep to find rest.

When your sky is full of stars,

My sky is clear and blue.

It is just so wonderful though,

That no matter how opposite and distant

Our worlds have gone for now,

Love does create a bridge that brings itself across our worlds.

I guess that’s just how it is

When lovers live in different worlds.

p. s. have a safe trip my dear. take care always. loving you…

The two old colleagues just had a business trip at the big city, so it was a good time to catch-up on each other. They’ll be attending a training in the next two days so I was trying to schedule some time with them before they get too busy.

Well, that’s just how it is living in a place that you still can’t call home. You always look for the familiar – familiar friends and friendly faces, homey stories and the usual laughter with good old pals. Growing up and starting a new life is fun and at the same time, challenging. Often times, I long for the home I know. However, I cannot deny the fact that a lot of things amaze me in this new life I have – new cultures (some weird, some nice), new attitudes, new people. I would say, this new life of mine has brought me deeper maturity of my understanding of things.

I guess this is my reality right now. My past is all but behind me, and my future is yet to unf0ld. A lot of what lies beyond, I do not know of. All I have is my past, and the faith in my God  which helps me look forward each and every day.

Many times, I wake up in the morning wondering what will transpire before me. Smiling as the day begins helps a lot to start your day. Real joy is not something you solicit from others. Real joy is what comes from within after being greatful of what you have.

Still, a lot of times, I cannot hide the truth of loneliness. Even until now, I still long for the life I had back home. I still long for the times when I see my Switee everyday. I still long for the life I had when my world was smaller and my reality was less than what I have now. But then again, the only way to go is forward. And onward, forward, one must go through life. The last time I went home, many where very much the same. The smell, the touch, the presence at home is always the same. If there is one thing that’s  changed, it was me. Life has changed me. I might deny it now but the things you learn outside the comforts of your home is always something unfamiliar.

Unfamiliarity brings with it anxiety. But it brings a lot of good stuff as well – new friendships, new learnings, new points of view, things that are essential in growing as a person. Right now, I tend to shape what I hope to be in the future. But in reality, I do not know of what I become in the future. It is in faithfulness that one finds comfort and peace of mind in whatever the future holds. A lot of moments will be happy, a lot will be sad, and a lot are dull, boring moments. But surely, whatever the future may hold, there is only one thing that you have control of. That is the present. Making the most of it is never easy. In fact, it’s a craft. Yet in failure, you get to learn. In failure, you get to realize how frail and limited a being you are. It is in accepting one’s finite capacity that you get to see the greatness of an infinite God. Accepting that reality brings you peace.

As I was writing, I was playing this web radio and the music was soothing and calm. It’s a contempo station and the music was taking me to thoughts of the past and the future. Well, I could never take away the thoughts I have of my switee… I keep her in my prayers. Stay safe my dear… (sorry for the cluttered thoughts )

Tomorrow is another day. Monday work day. Another chance to do one’s best

Let me sleep tonight. I hope I get to see you in my dreams my dear. For now, let me embrace you there…

P. S. loving you always my switee

Well, I was just occupying my self lately. Okay, I got too much of pre-occupation I was very tired of the two weeks that was. Well, that’s work. Although, actually, that was not technically my job description but it’s part of the total job as far as I am concerned.

This evening, I went to the park to sit awhile. I was listening to my music when I suddenly found myself so comfortable at the metal bench. I then doze to sleep and had moments of napping.

It was relaxing. Life was just so simple in those moments. Life is such a sweet thing for each to experience. I take time to imagine how I sit in that bench with my switee. I miss her dearly and each time I go to parks like that, I never fail to remember how we could spend hours just talking and laughing and teasing each other in those metal benches.

I love her And moments like this makes me look forward all the more – look forward to the time when we will be together again for the rest of our lives. I want to stargaze with her. I want to laugh with her. I want to let time pass with her

Love is such a surprise in one’s life. Love is as well the best thing that happened in mine…

Love you switee!

We have treaded our own paths, finding our ways to our dreams, only to find out that all that we wanted was to be together.

The other day, I went to a park were lovers sat, chatted and simply spent the time together in front of the open sea. Well, maybe I was jealous a bit for not having you with me at the moment. But more than that, I guess what I felt was the longing of a heart for that one thing that makes it whole.

Each time I look at the sky, I always think of you and how you have been and what you are doing at the moment. I keep in my thoughts the smile that you show with your smiling eyes.

I want to stroll at the park with you again. I want to hear you laugh. I want to hear your voice. I want to smell again the scent of your hair, see the sparkle of your eyes. I might be happy even just to see you smile from afar.

Let me just tell you this for my heart could not contain it. I love you! I miss you! And no matter where you may be, my heart is always with you.

As we follow our own dreams, may you always find happiness in the thought that someday, we will be together again and will never part. Stay strong. You are always in my prayers.

Thinking of you always, my love.

This must be how it is to be away from the one you love.

Eight years of being together is not easy to change. We have been sharing our lives that long. Although we have not gotten married yet, being together for us was more than a habit. It was the lifestyle that we virtually grew into.

I did not have much cliques and so did she because we were usually with each other. I didn’t mind though having to spend most of my hours with her. For sure, we do go out with common friends and mutual close friends. We even had times where we would be apart for a few weeks because of work or long family trips and vacations. Still, it is not easy to just ignore the sadness.

It was a few months back when we planned for ourselves. She wanted to experience working abroad and I wanted to have a management job. We both got what we want, yes. But then, you don’t get everything that you want all at once.

It might be difficult to explain. Many couples have experienced an ample amount of times being away from each other. Well, each have their own coping skills. I guess we are still working on ours.

Right now, new opportunities are coming for each of us. It might be difficult to get used to but we know, the day will come when we will be together again… some sweet day…

I just keep holding on to my prayer for her to be safe and happy always. It is this time that we find our refuge to the God that we know and we believe in. He will never leave us, never forsake us.

Take care always my switee…

Loving you always

I didn’t realize how sad it is until the day finally came. Most of the time, I was going on with my daily routine. Although this has always been what she wanted – to live and work abroad, getting the real deal is always overwhelming.

I have tried a few months living with her far away from me. But at that time, she was just an hour of plane ride away. We frequently communicate as well so that was less of a challenge than what it would be now.

It is always fun to have your best friend around. Yes, she is my best friend – her being my girlfriend is just secondary. I don’t know why but for me, friendship has always been what bonds us even during the times when you don’t feel romantic. It sticks out everytime we have misunderstandings. It makes everyday that we are together much more fun and exciting.

Well, today might be one of the saddest days I have but I am more hopeful than not. I know this is something that God gave to her. It may be difficult for her, me or her family but she will reap whatever learning she will have from this experience.

Someday, we will see each other again. For now, I will keep her safe in my heart, until the day comes…

Another day has begun.

I woke up with a daze in my head, trying to wake from a tiring weekend. My girlfriend is staying over my place for a week. She just received her visa for Canada and will be leaving in less than a week.

Oh well. It is sad. No matter how I try to make sense of things, I can’t deny that I still feel sad now that she is finally leaving for a new job in another country, miles and miles away. The place is cold and the culture is way much far from ours.

It’s a mix of emotions. As much as I want her to stay, this has been her dream since college. Yes, we discuss these things, especially in college when we were making plans for a career and stuff. This should be the time when she’ll reach for things that she wants herself. She is strong in a way that she always find ways to get what she wants.

It’s comforting though that she has cousins in Canada. Although they are more than an hour of plane ride away, at least she gets to spend her Christmas with her extended family and friends. I just don’t want her to be always lonely wherever she will be.

Sometimes though, as I am trying to live a new life myself, I sometimes fail to be there for her. She has always been her jolliest, most adorable self and sometimes I can’t even give her back a smile or a joke to make her laugh. I don’t want to immerse myself in so much grief just because of the everyday stress of a new job and a new place. But sometimes, a person simply forgets the essentials of life throughout a day’s struggle for survival.

She will be dealing with more difficult situations where she is going and I will be the stupidest jerk if I won’t be there for her in this exciting yet uncertain time of her life. For sure she will have crying times, sad times, even maybe depressing times. I hope I will be there always, as much as I can.

There is so much to discover in this life. And she is out to get it. I wish all the best the world could give. I send her my prayers because I know, in the saddest moments of this new chapter in her life, God would always be her comfort and peace.

There might be rains at times but you don’t get to see a rainbow without it. There might be storms coming but with it comes strengthening and healing. May you never forget to look up to God for comfort and as well, thanksgiving in all that He has given you.

To you my dear, I send my butterfly kisses.

Recently, I have been feeling tired and stressed out. Part may be caused by work, while part of the things that are going on in my life.

I always feel tired and for more than a week, I have been feeling headaches and pain in my neck, back and shoulders. Because of worry, I even consulted the company doctor for what I’ve been feeling on my left head.

There were quite a number of events that happened last week, like my previous boss’ wedding, my mom loosing her atm where I deposited her allowance, day to day life experiences – just as anybody experience it. No matter how I tried to relax though (e.g. getting more sleep than needed), I know that what’s bothering me is mental and not physical. I have been having a lot of thoughts lately – like my regularization on my current job (which is a big factor for my decisions), my girlfriend’s visa approval (which she received just this morning), my savings fund (which I try to fill as much as I could). This always lead to my poor performance in any of my roles (boyfriend, son, brother, friend, employee).

Good thing, yesterday, while cleaning a small cabinet, I found my “Follow Your Heart” book and had the chance to continue my reading (which started more than a year ago, by the way).  When I checked by the book mark, it lead me to the topic that was just what  I needed at the moment. This was the book that helped me understand why one could never push someone to learn something. Only when they begin to search for answers to their questions that the right time then comes. True to it, a lot of things in the book become more alive at the right time only.

The chapter was tackling about one key to finding fulfilment in life, and that is: peace of mind and love. The very thing that’s deteriorating my enthusiasm became clearer as the words unfold their meaning. I realized that trying hard to get things done as soon as possible, as much as possible was the very thing that drained me. I failed to remember  that things will always fail once in a while – people, things, schedules; work will fail once in a while.

On my previous entries, you know how fond I am of going to my favourite garden back in Davao. Now, I found one that, although not really replaces it, but at least provides the calmest ambience I can have in this big city. I have been missing out on finding time to relax – not relax as to sleep or watch a movie, but relax as in meditate in silence and solitude. Lately, I have been going to places that not only stress me, but drain me – parties, malls, bars and cinemas. The book mentioned that relaxation does come from within and becomes reinforced when aided by outside factors. Fresh air provides better vibes than air-conditioning, trees and grasses replenishes your energy while flashing lights and concrete walls drain you.

Part and parcel of peace is love. One could not find real peace with hate in his heart. For one to have peace in a dangerous, cruel place that we call world, one must learn to accept people and things. For one to truly do such, he or she must know how to love. For in one aspect, love is accepting something or someone as they are. Finding faults will always drain you, not only of your energy but of your happiness as well. When you could not accept your job, you could always find one. When you could not accept your new found friend, you could always stop communicating with him or her. But when you could not accept the world you live in, you’ll find it difficult to find a new world, can you.

When one begins to look beyond the faults, the failures, the defects, one learns to heal not only others but more so him or herself.

You may say this is not as easy as I say it is. I agree. But it is as well undeniably true. To most, it may take more than half a lifetime to learn this but small baby steps that one strives to achieve day by day is something to begin with.

To many, we are celebrating our 8^th year together. But we both know it’s more than that. To some, we are celebrating the night you said yes to my question. To me, we are celebrating the start of a long-running adventure. It was like I was signing a contract – one that allows me to be with you on something more than us, a life to discover. We were very young then, our hearts were nervous and full of hopes and dreams. It was more of an experiment really, especially for me (and I guess for you too). I was never courageous enough to tell you personally how I felt for you. I don’t know it yet then whether it was like or comfort or friendship that I was asking for. I just went on what my heart could not content. I could not stand to talk in front of you so I had to write this letter in a small piece of stationary paper just to tell you what you meant to me. It was fun. It was scary. Most of all, it was the start of a new adventure… to friendship, to fun, to life, to love.

The past eight years that have gone did not come without struggles. As our relationship grew, so did our friendship. We were more than friends, we were close buddies. You knew my heart aches, I knew yours. You knew my dreams and desperations, I knew yours. I learned how you dislike people who take with them the things that you discovered first to be wonderful. It was fun looking at you like that – you looked like a little girl whose special cone of ice cream was taken away from her. At the beginning years, there were a lot of adjustments. I was always hot tempered. You were always point blank – as if there is nothing to make fuzz about all the time. I was a worrier; you were a happy-go-lucky. I was a planner, you were spontaneous. I was a nagger, you were passive. I was a wet blanket, you are the party. This is something I have said always before, and I guess I’ll never grow tired of telling you this: you give colour to my world. I am the whip cream; you are my cherry on top. When I am with you, things are always brighter. Though honestly, you sometimes bug me for hours with your never ending stories. I sometimes get tired of it… but not of your enthusiasm in life. Your positive views of life make mine so much better. You remind me of the good there is around in this difficult world. You never fail to make me smile.

As to celebrate love, there is nothing more I could ask for but for me to show you more love. I know a lot of things are more difficult for both of us ever than before. I don’t talk to you that often anymore. I don’t make you poems or make you fun greeting cards or send you white roses anymore. It’s something I need to work on. And it’s something that makes you smile for the day, I know. Because of you, I have seen a lot of the world around me. You opened me to the complexities of women. You introduced to me the art of loving. You showed me how to be gentle. You dressed me up well – literally. You are the one who made me respect women. You showed me how complicated a girl can be. Yet, you never fail to amaze me how you make life so much simple. I envy you on that. That’s why it’s good to have you

As to reasons why I am still with you, the list would just go on and on forever. That’s because I have only seen a part of you. People like you are never hard to love. And people like has more than what meets the eye. I do not claim that I know you fully. All I could claim is that you showed me what you are and what you can be for the time we were together. You were simply yourself and I love you for that. You were never what others want you to be.

After this 8^th year together, a new chapter in our lives are unfolding. Mine has started already, and yours, pretty soon. What we had for the past years is something no one can ever take away. It has been part of our lives, one that I would treasure forever. We do not hold what God brings us in the near future. We do not know yet what happens of us. We could only do so much, aspire so much and wish so much. But we do not hold a hundred percent guarantee of what is ahead.

Still, if ever you wonder how my past eight years have been, it has been one fascinating ride. And if you ask me again, how I want to spend the next eight years of my life, I want to spend it with you. Then the next eight years after that, then the next after that, then the next after that…

I’m sitting here with her as she talks about things, the ongoings of her life and mine and ours. I realize how I have been holding so much from her. I had tried a lot of things already, things that I know she had always been dreaming of having or trying but did not have the chance and money.

She deserves a lot and I hope it isn’t too late to give her the best experiences of life.

I hope I get to have another date with her soon.

It was a beautiful date with my mom.