Life itself has seemed to stop for the moment.

Well, at least for the life in the big city.

The holidays came and everyone are set to rest.

I sit by the sea, watching as each wave rush to the shore.

The wind is cool.

The sun is high.

People began crowding by the shallows.

I was looking for my piece of shore.

I was looking for some peace of mind.

I was looking for silence, solitude.

I was looking for that time when I watch the sea with you.

Then, I got a call.

It was you on the other line.

You were freezing in the cold of melting snow.

Your hands were purple and freezing.

While I keep my self from roasting, you were keeping yourself from cold.

While I wear the thinnest clothes, you were wearing the thickest jackets.

While I walk the hot sand, you walk the knee-high snow.

Our lives have simply gone their own paths.

I guess that’s just how it is,

When lovers live in different worlds.

It’s simply fascinating when love knows no weather.

When love knows no distance.

When love knows no time.

Just as a movie is made out of thousands of pictures breezing through the screen,

So are our lives made up of thousands of moments,

Each made to play a part of the whole.

Though I understand how we hope to live our lives in the future,

I could not deny that sadness is inevitable.

Moments intertwined in the whole scheme of things.

Moments caught in time.

Moments full of color and dull.

These and a whole lot more fill our present lives.

Lives of lovers living in different worlds.

As I set my eyes to sleep tonight,

Your day has just began.

I close my lights as your sun plays peek-a-boo by your window.

The world has not gone mad.

It’s just how things work when lovers live in different worlds.

I seek for you each moment

Though our moments do not meet.

I see your face in daylight

While I hope you dream of me at that time.

I wake to see the beauty of life

And you sleep to find rest.

When your sky is full of stars,

My sky is clear and blue.

It is just so wonderful though,

That no matter how opposite and distant

Our worlds have gone for now,

Love does create a bridge that brings itself across our worlds.

I guess that’s just how it is

When lovers live in different worlds.

p. s. have a safe trip my dear. take care always. loving you…

The two old colleagues just had a business trip at the big city, so it was a good time to catch-up on each other. They’ll be attending a training in the next two days so I was trying to schedule some time with them before they get too busy.

Well, that’s just how it is living in a place that you still can’t call home. You always look for the familiar – familiar friends and friendly faces, homey stories and the usual laughter with good old pals. Growing up and starting a new life is fun and at the same time, challenging. Often times, I long for the home I know. However, I cannot deny the fact that a lot of things amaze me in this new life I have – new cultures (some weird, some nice), new attitudes, new people. I would say, this new life of mine has brought me deeper maturity of my understanding of things.

I guess this is my reality right now. My past is all but behind me, and my future is yet to unf0ld. A lot of what lies beyond, I do not know of. All I have is my past, and the faith in my God  which helps me look forward each and every day.

Many times, I wake up in the morning wondering what will transpire before me. Smiling as the day begins helps a lot to start your day. Real joy is not something you solicit from others. Real joy is what comes from within after being greatful of what you have.

Still, a lot of times, I cannot hide the truth of loneliness. Even until now, I still long for the life I had back home. I still long for the times when I see my Switee everyday. I still long for the life I had when my world was smaller and my reality was less than what I have now. But then again, the only way to go is forward. And onward, forward, one must go through life. The last time I went home, many where very much the same. The smell, the touch, the presence at home is always the same. If there is one thing that’s  changed, it was me. Life has changed me. I might deny it now but the things you learn outside the comforts of your home is always something unfamiliar.

Unfamiliarity brings with it anxiety. But it brings a lot of good stuff as well – new friendships, new learnings, new points of view, things that are essential in growing as a person. Right now, I tend to shape what I hope to be in the future. But in reality, I do not know of what I become in the future. It is in faithfulness that one finds comfort and peace of mind in whatever the future holds. A lot of moments will be happy, a lot will be sad, and a lot are dull, boring moments. But surely, whatever the future may hold, there is only one thing that you have control of. That is the present. Making the most of it is never easy. In fact, it’s a craft. Yet in failure, you get to learn. In failure, you get to realize how frail and limited a being you are. It is in accepting one’s finite capacity that you get to see the greatness of an infinite God. Accepting that reality brings you peace.

As I was writing, I was playing this web radio and the music was soothing and calm. It’s a contempo station and the music was taking me to thoughts of the past and the future. Well, I could never take away the thoughts I have of my switee… I keep her in my prayers. Stay safe my dear… (sorry for the cluttered thoughts )

Tomorrow is another day. Monday work day. Another chance to do one’s best

Let me sleep tonight. I hope I get to see you in my dreams my dear. For now, let me embrace you there…

P. S. loving you always my switee

Well, enough has been said on how new things are for me in the big city. Even after six months, I still have the thoughts of life back here.

The past few months has been a run run. Life was so fast. I got the job that I asked for – probably the best that I can ever have. Still, I realized how independence, good paying job and personal career rewards could not compensate for the absence of family and loved one.

I went embracing my new life with the faith that God has set this path for me. However, somewhere along the way, I lost my sight of the road. I started to get too absorbed on my job – meetings, deadlines, all went in a rumble. To me, the way to do this is keep myself as organized and as well-planned as possible.

Apparently, that was not what God planned for me. With that attitude inside me, I was bringing myself away from the life that I believe God was trying to lead me to. I was living my own life – I plan my itinerary, I see to it that things go my way. The reality is – it doesn’t always follow as you say so.

Yesterday, I was with my high school friends enjoying the day at the white sand beach. Later in the afternoon, I had an accident. I dived under a bamboo line when I hit my forehead with a sharp coral. My head was liked axed in the middle. For sure, the coral was sharp enough to cut me straight in the middle of my forehead and rough enough to scratch almost all the surface of my nose. Yikes!

I really didn’t see that coming. Inside my head, I was thinking “what a great ending for a well awaited vacation”. My heart was devastated, not to mention I am still aching from my girlfriend’s absence. I was about to fly back to Makati this afternoon but I have to go back to the doctor for the stitches to be removed five days after. I re-booked for January 10 then after my bosses’ approvals.

What I realized now is how one should be flexible in living one’s life. But above it, I as well saw again how humans tend to put in their on hand their lives, forgetting that they are simply beings created by someone much more Supreme than they.

It’s difficult to light a candle when everyone seem to blow the light off. Keeping it well lit always begins by going to church again. Then, keeping a candle lit requires everyday sacrifice, a daily renewal of self with your Creator.

This is not an easy task. Yet, no easy task rewards much. In here lies the meaning of life for me. In this thought, I see how God puzzles things – circumstances, conditions, environment all in fulfilling His great picture.

Living in the big city, I realized this is not always the case for people. To many, God is something revered by others. To some, God does not exist. This is how God works with people – he never forces anyone to believe in Him.

This may be what lies in front of me – keeping your candle lit in a cruel, Godless world. Sometimes, we are so tied up with the thought of offending others with our beliefs. So we succumb to the ways of the world to blend in. After a while, it feels good. You feel so normal and natural. Before you know it, you are headed for disaster. It hits you point blank, right between your eyes… very much like mine, only less literal .

A lot of things that happen in our lives, we do not understand. Sometimes, when we don’t get any explanation, we try to make our own. We rationalize things. We don’t wait for revelations to unfold, we create our own.

This is where I believe I have forgotten to keep in mind – to sometimes let things unfold. I was impatient and persistent. Behind that, I was afraid I do not like the outcome of things, so I do things my way. Little do I know that destruction lies ahead.

I often close my posts with a conclusion, to simply wrap things up before closing a post. This time, I guess leaving it hanging will be alright. Yep, wrapping up a post for me is part of trying to rationalize my thoughts when in fact, a lot of your thoughts are there for you to think over for a lifetime. Life is not black or white. It has colors in between. The more you try to place things as either black or white takes away the colors of life. I guess it’s a choice to see the colors in between…

I didn’t realize how sad it is until the day finally came. Most of the time, I was going on with my daily routine. Although this has always been what she wanted – to live and work abroad, getting the real deal is always overwhelming.

I have tried a few months living with her far away from me. But at that time, she was just an hour of plane ride away. We frequently communicate as well so that was less of a challenge than what it would be now.

It is always fun to have your best friend around. Yes, she is my best friend – her being my girlfriend is just secondary. I don’t know why but for me, friendship has always been what bonds us even during the times when you don’t feel romantic. It sticks out everytime we have misunderstandings. It makes everyday that we are together much more fun and exciting.

Well, today might be one of the saddest days I have but I am more hopeful than not. I know this is something that God gave to her. It may be difficult for her, me or her family but she will reap whatever learning she will have from this experience.

Someday, we will see each other again. For now, I will keep her safe in my heart, until the day comes…

I’m staying late tonight. I have a few international calls from my team across the globe. That’s what you get from a team of across timelines. Oh well.

A few hours ago, the rain was heavy outside. Working at a high rise building lets you hear thunder in threatening volume. The rain has now subsided. As for me, I’m sitting on this half-lit room waiting for my calls. I can see the city lights from here. Street lamps mark the way of the avenue just beside the building. Vehicles were lining up, most are probably heading home. I look at the evening sky and I guess it’s pretty much what it is – just another night in the big city. Where the sun sets and rises in the morning. Tomorrow, it will just be another day.

Across the office building is a hotel rising high. Some rooms are lit, fascinatingly displaying what transpires on those rooms. Honeymooners, travellers, or families, each with their lives spent on one of those hotel rooms. It amazes me how life goes on from corner to corner.

There may be times that one desires for the world to simply stop, to pause for awhile. What if that happens tomorrow. One wakes up to a world where nobody is there, where you still have cars on the streets, buildings lit up from last night’s use and where restaurants and bars still with their blinking lights. What if one morning, one wakes up to find out that all he has done for a lifetime are no longer worth a thing. The world becomes his, yet owns it alone, with no one else left in the world but himself. Will those things that used to be so valuable still be what they were? One can then have the finest cars and the most expensive jewelleries. One can travel the world and see the most wonderful places on earth with no one to stop him or her. Could those things by then still be as precious as what they are right now?

I guess you know the answer.

Moments like these are moments that bring me to deeper thoughts, things that one usually ignores at the height of the day when one is busy working or doing things in order to survive. A friend of mine told me that sometimes, we take these things as an excuse from doing the things that we need to do like work and earn money. That may be true to some extent but then, one could also not deny the fact that life is but a fleeting moment and that it is never impossible that in an instant, one’s death could come which makes all of these things that are necessities for our survival become worthless.

I guess the thing for this post is that, there are two timelines for our conscious mind – one is the immediate timeline that reminds us to work for food and for our daily survival. The other is the eternal timeline, the awareness that , when we die, life continues for others who are still living and what happens to us by then is quite unknown to us. These two timelines, though seemingly contradicting each other are actually working hand-in-hand. It reminds us that while we need to consider our immediate needs today, we must realize that there is another span of time that lasts long after we are gone. It challenges us to search for realities of that eternal timeline, a timeline that answers our questions about the meaning of our very existence.

Well, it was a great experience. And when I say great, I mean overwhelming. It was quite too much for me honestly – my first international flight, my first business trip, my first time to work with people from across countries and cultures, and yes, first time to meet my boss, my boss’ boss.. and my boss’ boss’ boss! Whew!

Please don’t get me wrong. My bosses are great people, fairly in touch with their lighter side. It’s just that, most of the things I’m dealing with everyday are pretty much new to me too – the people I meet on the streets, the people I cross the streets with, the people living across my apartment’s window are new to me. I was still on my adjustment stage when I flew for Singapore. That probably caused the balloon to bloat. Good thing it did not pop – yet..

One good thing with the trip though, is it made Makati much more of a home to me. It made me appreciate the boundaries of my own country. Singapore was beautiful, way more beautiful than any place I’ve ever been. Yet, I still could say, there is no place like home.

After the Singapore trip, I flew back and went straight to my apartment. What greeted me was darkness. My uncle was in a night shift again so nobody’s home. No welcomes and no “how was the trip” thing when I arrived. Just the silent, small apartment I began renting about a month ago.

The after the Singapore trip, my boss came to our office here in Makati to on-board me to my specific tasks. The whole week wasn’t a torture but undeniably critical for me. I mean, I need to get as much information in a little amount of time. After that, only remote communication for queries. It was interestingly challenging.

Then, last night, I went out with two old buddies of mine from college. We were in a choir together and it was fun being with old friends you are comfortable enough to burst out in laughter.

I was actually telling them how things are going with my new life here. One good point that my friend told me was that I am probably facing quarter life crisis – my transition from pre-adulthood to full adulthood. I felt it was very right. I mean, I realized when he raised that point that I am actually in denial of the things that are coming my way. He pointed out how in high school or college that our goals are actually laid down on us – do your assignments and answer your exams well to get high grades so that you’ll pass the semester. When you pass the semester, enroll and do so all over again for the incoming semester until you graduate. That was it back in school.

But now, everything is laid down before you – you do the choosing. The choices you make today will affect what happens to you in the future. Making those life-changing choices are a big thing, those which used to be only for the big guys. Now, I am actually getting into that stage, making choices that shape my life. Sometimes, I just want to get away from those decision making and want to live my life free and careless.

It’s difficult when what you need to do is different from what you want to do. It’s not about the job I have. It’s about the life I have now. You see, I want to always be in a comfortable situation (who doesn’t want to be, right?). In my case, that means living back in my parents’ house and doing my stuff with my computer, designing websites and playing computer games. But then, that is not what I need to do. I need to work well for a successful career in order for my future plans to come true. I want to have a family of my own soon, provide for them well with the best that I can. On the other hand, the inner child in me doesn’t want to let go of the comforts of my home and the fun and laughter of good old childhood days.

Maybe this is what Antoine de Exupery was talking about in his book. In order for a boy to be a man, he has to let go of his childish ways. Growing up is indeed difficult, and with it is learning that you bring for a lifetime.

Many times, I sit in silence, sorting out things in my mind, the things that I see, hear and feel. Just this evening, I went to have shower. One hand was reaching for the soap while the other turns the shower knob. The water was flowing down my chest. The warmth the humid air brings was gone for some time. I closed my eyes and it was a moment of bliss. Getting naked is refreshing. It frees you from clothes that symbolizes what you are on the outside world. When you bare yourself of it, all that is left is the real you, little, fragile and afraid. The real you is that little boy or girl that has worn the body of a grown-up to be able to live the life that the society wants him or her to live.

Life is fun. But life is not all fun. Life is also tears and pain. Life is a combination of the pleasant and the unpleasant. It is then that we make a choice to see what is beautiful and love-worth. It is in our brokenness that life’s small details become precious.

A few hours back, I was waiting for the pick-up car at my apartment. The rain poured heavily and made me worry a bit the trip. I went outside the gate to check if the driver found my place. Around the corner went a white rent-a-car. It saw me so it went straight to where I was standing. I loaded my stuff and off I go to the airport.

When I arrived, I was finding my way through it. It was a different international airport, an old one actually where most of the Asian airlines are. I went straight to the queue where many are apparently checking-in early. I gathered up all the documents needed. When my time came, I prompted the airline lady to put “fragile” label on my suitcase. An officemate asked me to bring with me some of their materials for the meeting that we are going to have in Singapore. It was light really but quite bulky.

Good thing my eldest sister gave me tips on boarding for Singapore. She lives in Australia so she frequently goes to Singapore each time she goes home from a trip to the Philippines.

After checking in, I went straight to pay the terminal fee and then to the immigration. There were several windows open. I noticed that some queues are longer than the others. Apparently, people know that female immigration agents entertain better than males as their queue are longer. Sadly for me though, as this is my first international flight, I didn’t know that. I went to line up a short queue. Later, I learned the reason why. The agent was strict (and a snobb). He raised his voice at me when I wasn’t able to give him all the documents all at once. I was about to react a bit but then decided to let it go. I might not get approved, hehe. Also, I need to be cleared with my scholarship restrictions. It really helps to be patient most of the time. It saves you time for argument, your temper and your poise. People who don’t treat you well don’t deserve your attention.

At last, all was well and here I am, waiting for boarding. I am a bit excited really. Much of this trip was just a dream a few months back. I never imagined I get the chance to see another country with my scholarship holding me back. Yet, here I am, waiting for my flight.

A few minutes passed and people came to fill in the previously empty seats. White, black, brown people gathered together, waiting for their plane to arrive. Strangely, people filled other empty seats with their bags so people who came late had to seats on either their sturdy luggage or on the floor. The white ones don’t mind where they seat as long as they are comfortable. The brown ones however remain standing as sitting on the floor is not common to them. It looks too informal probably, not quite sure. It’s just that sitting on the floor is not a custom to brown, especially Filipinos like me.

Four minutes before boarding and everyone seemed occupied with either, reading, listening to the music or staring at other people. I however had the liberty to write details about their behaviours. There might be someone else in the crowd doing the same, I don’t know. They might be having the same fun as I have.

Oh, before I forget, nail biting is also one of the most common things people do while waiting for their plane. Well, I guess anxiety brings them to bite their irresistible nails. I hope they cleaned it well before hand.

I remember a few months back I went wishing to see Europe and other countries. Though this flight is just within Asia, at least it’s a start.

Singapore, here I come!

Though much of the trip will be work, still it’s fun enough to let you travel around. I mean, for me, it’s a big thing. You see, I have this government scholarship in college that’s keeping me within the bounds of my country. The government office however allows business trips like this as they see it necessary for scholars to often go out for trainings. The limitations are actually the way we scholars pay the government – to work for the country.

Sweat runs down my chest as I write. The rains have probably left the atmosphere with humid air. Or, it could be that my apartment isn’t just well ventilated. Music is playing from my laptop, filling the ground floor with fun music. Well, it’s the only noise I can create as I don’t have a television yet. I’m not planning to buy one soon though. I hope the neighbours don’t mind too.

Last night, I was packing my things up for the week’s stay. I slept late but all fun to do. My shoulders are a little tense though, probably because of cold air last evening. I hope I get to see the best of Singapore. I have always wanted to buy my own DSLR camera. When this Singapore trip was approved, I finally decided to buy one. I got mine last weekend and I was thrilled. I am still actually as the trip is still to be. I got my girlfriend all envious about it. Haha. She have been thinking of getting one too. If her Canada job pushes through, for sure she’ll get one for the trip.

Not much to do but idle around and wait for the car to pick me up at my place by 3pm. Hope I get to post with more sense and thrill next, time..

As for me, the usual walk home. As you know, I have just started in this new job. For several days, I went on finding the best route for me to walk to and from the office. Now, I’m taking this route that’s probably less stressful than the others. The path is quite walker-friendly. Trees shade most of the road. Families live nearby in cozy, mid-rise apartments.

In the morning there is little rush. Little does the outskirts know the tension main roads face each day. Main roads marred by the everyday passage of people and vehicles, witnesses of happy parades and terrible emergencies, seem too numb to care for anything. This other road I take does otherwise. It welcomes every morning with fresh air and sunrise. The streets may not be that clean but at least people seem to tarry when treading it. People wash their cars on the road like there’s no work, kids laugh while going to school, old men sit in the idle morning, talking about their lifetime’s exploits. Yes, roads such as this exist in the big city. Just as I thought it impossible, there seem to be hope to find something worth spending time here.

A few minutes of walking and that’s it. As I opened my short, wooden gate in my little rented apartment, light wasn’t there – literally. Apparently, my uncle hasn’t gone home yet.

To tell you, I feel sad every time I go home like this. Nothing compares to going home where people are – where evening meals are cooked from your own kitchen, where TV Patrol fills the atmosphere and people eager to know the latest news, where someone who cares for you asks you how your day has been.

If there is one thing I realize right now, that is – it is not really the luxury of life that makes life worth living. It is the people you spend time with that makes it fun and exciting and filled with love. You may love a diamond but it could never love you back. You may hate your mom or dad at one moment but as sure as the sun rises, so is there love for you.

Just as the road I take everyday, so can be my attitude towards life I believe. Amidst the chaos one’s heart may feel often times is the choice to take another route – the route to peace of mind. It’s a matter of perspective. I’m not saying it’s easy. But if ever I learned how to get there often, for sure it will be all worth while.

Before I end this, let me leave you with a poem:

Life is but a road to take,

Crossroads if you please.

Many take the road most travelled,

Much few take the least.

To choose is not an easy task,

To take it will be worse.

But then, life never stops for you,

It always takes its course.

So now, with what you have in hand,

You toil to make the best.

It’s there that life ‘comes meaningful,

When love and laughter rest

A few weeks back, I received a call from a company which is a dream for many in my league. I have been offered a job. It was overwhelming. I believe it was something given not merely by man but by some divine providence. The job has been going on in my mind for months, since I left my last job to do what I love the most – creating my own digital works of art. I desired to have a job that merges what my academic orientation was with my passion. The job was the very thing I prayed for.

When I broke the news to my parents, they were happy too. Although I know, at the back of their minds, they were sad – for the last chick was about to leave the nest and go into the forest to make its own living and try to survive. I can read my mother’s prayers in her eyes each time I look at her. It has also been a year that I was out of work so I had a great deal of time to be with my old folks.

In about a year I was with them, I learned so much more than all my learning at school combined. I saw how they laughed. I saw how they cry. I saw how strong they were, and I saw how weak they can get. Their age brought with them wisdom never found in anything so far in my life. They try their best to ready their children but they could only do so much.

My parents are not perfect. In fact, they are far from that. My mom had her share of failures and mistakes. My dad had a problem with loneliness and a lot of things more. For all those years we were with him, he was always silent. And now, that everyone has flown out of the house to build their own lives, it was too late for him to realize how absent emotionally he was in the lives of his children. They were never perfect. But they were the best I could ever wish for.

I saw their battle with age. I often find my mom mixing a hair-dye powder in a cup of warm water. Later on, they would be busy dyeing each other’s hair – much more of a bonding time.

My dad was often in rage in dealing with memory loss. He was ill-tempered and impatient. He kept pushing that he has this Alzheimer’s disease. All the doctors think otherwise. So do I.

It came to a point that my dad’s problems affected his work. He will be retiring in about eight months as of this writing. He is in a retiring age since he started to work only later in his life. He was becoming a nuisance in the office. My mom had a call from his supervisor so I went to accompany her. The problem was resolved with my mom promising to take care of my dad so as not to let him get bored during office hours. She kept trying to see my dad in the office during lunch just so he would have someone to talk to.

It was there that I saw my mom’s strength. She has been carrying this family so much over the years, ever since we were kids. She was strong. Even until now that she needs someone to be strong for her.

It broke my heart to leave them at home. But then again, I am my own self. I should live a life of my own. I don’t take away the possibility of living again in my parents’ house someday. But for now, I have to live my life. A window has been opened and the sun seems shining bright outside.

Where I came from, there were birds and a lot of it chirping when you wake up. My room had a little sun roof, just enough to warm me up as the sun rises. My dad is an agriculturist and we have lots of greens in the front and side lawns. We have orchids of red, purple, yellow and white among many others. Fruit and hardwood trees were growing by the day. The soft morning breeze welcomes you with sweetness.

Where I am now, the sound of cars and busy streets wake you. The children rushing early to school are the sight. Skyscrapers graze the skies as the night turns to day. The big city never sleeps. It never pauses for breeze nor does it keep silent for a minute or two to hear the birds sing. It goes on like forever.

Slowly, things start to sink in, falling into place as I said. Many say you don’t get everything you want. True enough. The very reason why we have priorities – we decide depending on the most important things to us. Slowly and unknowingly at times, we are shaped by our priorities. We become what we think we are.

I have a few good reasons why I decided to grab this job that brought with it the new life. First, I want to save for a family I hope to have someday or in the near future. I hope to prepare well to be able to provide well for them. Another reason is, if in case I don’t stay too long on this job, at least I get to have their name in my resume. Well, practically speaking, their name in my records would like be a shining badge in my chest.

For now, the night is getting old and a new day is waiting for me a few ticks in the clock from now. The air is getting cooler and the bed lies softly as the view drowses me well. The battle is about to unfold. Wish me luck.