The two old colleagues just had a business trip at the big city, so it was a good time to catch-up on each other. They’ll be attending a training in the next two days so I was trying to schedule some time with them before they get too busy.

Well, that’s just how it is living in a place that you still can’t call home. You always look for the familiar – familiar friends and friendly faces, homey stories and the usual laughter with good old pals. Growing up and starting a new life is fun and at the same time, challenging. Often times, I long for the home I know. However, I cannot deny the fact that a lot of things amaze me in this new life I have – new cultures (some weird, some nice), new attitudes, new people. I would say, this new life of mine has brought me deeper maturity of my understanding of things.

I guess this is my reality right now. My past is all but behind me, and my future is yet to unf0ld. A lot of what lies beyond, I do not know of. All I have is my past, and the faith in my God  which helps me look forward each and every day.

Many times, I wake up in the morning wondering what will transpire before me. Smiling as the day begins helps a lot to start your day. Real joy is not something you solicit from others. Real joy is what comes from within after being greatful of what you have.

Still, a lot of times, I cannot hide the truth of loneliness. Even until now, I still long for the life I had back home. I still long for the times when I see my Switee everyday. I still long for the life I had when my world was smaller and my reality was less than what I have now. But then again, the only way to go is forward. And onward, forward, one must go through life. The last time I went home, many where very much the same. The smell, the touch, the presence at home is always the same. If there is one thing that’s  changed, it was me. Life has changed me. I might deny it now but the things you learn outside the comforts of your home is always something unfamiliar.

Unfamiliarity brings with it anxiety. But it brings a lot of good stuff as well – new friendships, new learnings, new points of view, things that are essential in growing as a person. Right now, I tend to shape what I hope to be in the future. But in reality, I do not know of what I become in the future. It is in faithfulness that one finds comfort and peace of mind in whatever the future holds. A lot of moments will be happy, a lot will be sad, and a lot are dull, boring moments. But surely, whatever the future may hold, there is only one thing that you have control of. That is the present. Making the most of it is never easy. In fact, it’s a craft. Yet in failure, you get to learn. In failure, you get to realize how frail and limited a being you are. It is in accepting one’s finite capacity that you get to see the greatness of an infinite God. Accepting that reality brings you peace.

As I was writing, I was playing this web radio and the music was soothing and calm. It’s a contempo station and the music was taking me to thoughts of the past and the future. Well, I could never take away the thoughts I have of my switee… I keep her in my prayers. Stay safe my dear… (sorry for the cluttered thoughts )

Tomorrow is another day. Monday work day. Another chance to do one’s best

Let me sleep tonight. I hope I get to see you in my dreams my dear. For now, let me embrace you there…

P. S. loving you always my switee

Well, enough has been said on how new things are for me in the big city. Even after six months, I still have the thoughts of life back here.

The past few months has been a run run. Life was so fast. I got the job that I asked for – probably the best that I can ever have. Still, I realized how independence, good paying job and personal career rewards could not compensate for the absence of family and loved one.

I went embracing my new life with the faith that God has set this path for me. However, somewhere along the way, I lost my sight of the road. I started to get too absorbed on my job – meetings, deadlines, all went in a rumble. To me, the way to do this is keep myself as organized and as well-planned as possible.

Apparently, that was not what God planned for me. With that attitude inside me, I was bringing myself away from the life that I believe God was trying to lead me to. I was living my own life – I plan my itinerary, I see to it that things go my way. The reality is – it doesn’t always follow as you say so.

Yesterday, I was with my high school friends enjoying the day at the white sand beach. Later in the afternoon, I had an accident. I dived under a bamboo line when I hit my forehead with a sharp coral. My head was liked axed in the middle. For sure, the coral was sharp enough to cut me straight in the middle of my forehead and rough enough to scratch almost all the surface of my nose. Yikes!

I really didn’t see that coming. Inside my head, I was thinking “what a great ending for a well awaited vacation”. My heart was devastated, not to mention I am still aching from my girlfriend’s absence. I was about to fly back to Makati this afternoon but I have to go back to the doctor for the stitches to be removed five days after. I re-booked for January 10 then after my bosses’ approvals.

What I realized now is how one should be flexible in living one’s life. But above it, I as well saw again how humans tend to put in their on hand their lives, forgetting that they are simply beings created by someone much more Supreme than they.

It’s difficult to light a candle when everyone seem to blow the light off. Keeping it well lit always begins by going to church again. Then, keeping a candle lit requires everyday sacrifice, a daily renewal of self with your Creator.

This is not an easy task. Yet, no easy task rewards much. In here lies the meaning of life for me. In this thought, I see how God puzzles things – circumstances, conditions, environment all in fulfilling His great picture.

Living in the big city, I realized this is not always the case for people. To many, God is something revered by others. To some, God does not exist. This is how God works with people – he never forces anyone to believe in Him.

This may be what lies in front of me – keeping your candle lit in a cruel, Godless world. Sometimes, we are so tied up with the thought of offending others with our beliefs. So we succumb to the ways of the world to blend in. After a while, it feels good. You feel so normal and natural. Before you know it, you are headed for disaster. It hits you point blank, right between your eyes… very much like mine, only less literal .

A lot of things that happen in our lives, we do not understand. Sometimes, when we don’t get any explanation, we try to make our own. We rationalize things. We don’t wait for revelations to unfold, we create our own.

This is where I believe I have forgotten to keep in mind – to sometimes let things unfold. I was impatient and persistent. Behind that, I was afraid I do not like the outcome of things, so I do things my way. Little do I know that destruction lies ahead.

I often close my posts with a conclusion, to simply wrap things up before closing a post. This time, I guess leaving it hanging will be alright. Yep, wrapping up a post for me is part of trying to rationalize my thoughts when in fact, a lot of your thoughts are there for you to think over for a lifetime. Life is not black or white. It has colors in between. The more you try to place things as either black or white takes away the colors of life. I guess it’s a choice to see the colors in between…

I got tagged by Annie. Hmm, I used to be too lazy to do this, hehe. I guess giving it a try wouldn’t hurt. Might be fun to do too. Thanks annie

Here are the rules:

1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2. Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months (see below).
3. Pick your month of birth.
4. Highlight the traits that apply to you.
5. Tag 12 people and let them know by visiting their blogs and leaving a comment for them.
6. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve done it!

The Twelve Months

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality, Sexy, Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others.Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners.Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

Here are the twelve people I’m tagging:

1. Whatadid – on what he has been doing

2. Dave – the eagle for every juan

3. Ee-ey – ang dalikang ea ni maam ivy

4. Sponge ni Bub – my bossing, colleague friend

5 . Evs – ang dakilang teacher

6. Peace – the loving wife

7. Eetsie – the new mom

8. Pebbles – the mum of two energy-packed boys

9. Banxkie - the breakable chains

10. Ayt – illustrations of the night wonders

11. Cherry – the blogging-for-money newbie… hehe peace!

and last but not the least…

12. Toinky – the most wonderful person closest to my heart. I really like the design