It is actually about my career path. After a few months being out of work and earning solely from blogging (which I really don’t have regrets as I am earning way much more financially), I finally decided to try my best again in applying for big companies. I have two applications right now that I am eying. One would allow me to stay in Davao while the other would require me to work in Manila. The work in Manila would surely be much higher in terms of pay and benefits. That would mean more demanding work. The work in Davao would be I believe much more relaxed, giving you more time to spend with your family but with way much smaller compensation.

Although both applications are still in the process (and I am still not sure whether I get any of the jobs or not), the question remains. That is: should one live up to the challenge of a busy, dog-eat-dog life just to earn much for my future or would that only rob a person of true happiness? This has long been running in my mind ever since I graduated from college and somehow, many people around me tell me to “try it out in the big city” so to say.

When I left my previous job, I had time to learn what I love to do, and that is web development. I even learned how to make money out of it and earned much more. Fairly enough, I am happy with it. Well, at least for now. Still, I understand that in terms of stability, blogging and web development have issues, if you know what I mean. I guess that’s why people (some friends, family and loved ones) ask me to try it out to the bigger world. That is why another question sprang up my mind. Is one lifestyle way above the other? Or is it merely how you make out of whichever you find your self to be? Is it right to keep on chasing your dreams of clear blue skies and rainbows or is it stupid to live in a dream?

I know it’s a bit unfair not to give the “big city” a chance since I have not yet been there myself for too long (except for work-related and personal instances I have seen the lifestyle and the people in the big city). Sometimes, the thoughts just crowd up in their until its stuck.

I try my best not to stress my self out on this. At the end of the day, it’s pretty much about what comes your way and how you decide to live it. But when given the crossroad, how should one decide?

Maybe you have been on this road before. I hope you could share a bit on how it was. Or maybe you are facing the same situation right now. We could share the burden

Crossroads

Shall i follow the stream
or cross the sea
Strive for a dream
or let life be?

Shall it be on neon lights
that spell success?
Or flickering lamplight
for happiness?

Follow the thunder?
Follow the storm?
Follow the whisper
that breeze and leaves for?

Follow my heartbeat
Follow my head
What shall each bring me?
Where shall each lead?

I encountered this poem when I was in high school. It was in our English language class I believe. I was able to grasp the meaning before but it was not that real for me until recently in my life.

The poem really talks about choosing whether to take the road that leads one to a city life and corporate world or the one that leads you to live a simple life in the comforts of your home, your own small business or your farm. I guess it applies more to those who live in rural areas where the city seem to be an elusive corporate paradise where money and success is.

Still, I can relate to the poem. For those of you who know me, you know how I left my job to pursue a career in information technology. The decision wasn’t bad really. I learned so much more about the thing that just started as a hobby when I left than when I stayed. Later on, I realized that it was more than the choosing between my previous career and my current career. It was actually a difficulty in choosing whether to live a run-run, chasing-those-deadlines, keep-your-butt-moving life or live a simple, passionate, laid-back, slow-paced, calm life.

I believe many people feel this way at times. For me, I guess I easily burned out at that time. I realized now that I was just too hard on myself and my attitude towards my job took its toll on me. I was looking at my job as something that can be accomplished or finished one time through careful planning – much more like a project. I forgot the fact that a job is something that constantly tests your skill and your character day in and day out – more like life itself. It would only end if you decide to leave the job. Then you go find another, get disappointed and quit again. The loop will never end.

Being jobless and having time for yourself have benefits. You get to wake up in the early morning breeze, drink your favorite coffee while reading the latest in the newspaper. Better yet, look outside and rest your eyes in the garden for hours – a relaxing feeling that you seldom have when you are always in a hurry for work in the morning and fairly exhausted when you go home at night. When you’re jobless, you get to think of your life a lot. You get to think of finding purpose in the things that you do. However, you also get to think about your joblessness especially when your finances are drying out already. This is dangerous as this can lead to depression that lasts for months, even years.

All in all, my hopes are high. The world does not remain as it is. It is constantly changing. Thinking about the poem, maybe I don’t have to make a choice in the first place. Maybe creating a balance between the two is actually possible. Finding peace amidst chaos is a higher challenge for any of us. Finding success in flickering lamplights gives a deeper meaning to life. I shall not know the answer if it is really possible unless I go through it myself. Life is just like that.

Lately, I realized that there is a great difficulty in letting go of things that you are accustomed to. Just as a butterfly who earns its strong wings by breaking through the cocoon, so does a person who is able to get out of his or her comfort zone to explore and see things for himself. Money earned is way more fulfilling than money given. Self preservation however is innate and getting out of that thinking requires determination and maturity.

For now, I would have to do with the best way I could with what my hands find to do. Little meaning is given for lives constantly spent on yearning for something not yet achieved for humans would always find something that is lacking, whatever it may be. Plan ahead if you must. Dream for reaching the top of the mountain but don’t forget to smell the flowers and hear the birds singing along the way.