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Have you come across the poem “Crossroads”? If not, here is it:

Crossroads

Shall i follow the stream
or cross the sea
Strive for a dream
or let life be?

Shall it be on neon lights
that spell success?
Or flickering lamplight
for happiness?

Follow the thunder?
Follow the storm?
Follow the whisper
that breeze and leaves for?

Follow my heartbeat
Follow my head
What shall each bring me?
Where shall each lead?

I encountered this poem when I was in high school. It was in our English language class I believe. I was able to grasp the meaning before but it was not that real for me until recently in my life.

The poem really talks about choosing whether to take the road that leads one to a city life and corporate world or the one that leads you to live a simple life in the comforts of your home, your own small business or your farm. I guess it applies more to those who live in rural areas where the city seem to be an elusive corporate paradise where money and success is.

Still, I can relate to the poem. For those of you who know me, you know how I left my job to pursue a career in information technology. The decision wasn’t bad really. I learned so much more about the thing that just started as a hobby when I left than when I stayed. Later on, I realized that it was more than the choosing between my previous career and my current career. It was actually a difficulty in choosing whether to live a run-run, chasing-those-deadlines, keep-your-butt-moving life or live a simple, passionate, laid-back, slow-paced, calm life.

I believe many people feel this way at times. For me, I guess I easily burned out at that time. I realized now that I was just too hard on myself and my attitude towards my job took its toll on me. I was looking at my job as something that can be accomplished or finished one time through careful planning – much more like a project. I forgot the fact that a job is something that constantly tests your skill and your character day in and day out – more like life itself. It would only end if you decide to leave the job. Then you go find another, get disappointed and quit again. The loop will never end.

Being jobless and having time for yourself have benefits. You get to wake up in the early morning breeze, drink your favorite coffee while reading the latest in the newspaper. Better yet, look outside and rest your eyes in the garden for hours – a relaxing feeling that you seldom have when you are always in a hurry for work in the morning and fairly exhausted when you go home at night. When you’re jobless, you get to think of your life a lot. You get to think of finding purpose in the things that you do. However, you also get to think about your joblessness especially when your finances are drying out already. This is dangerous as this can lead to depression that lasts for months, even years.

All in all, my hopes are high. The world does not remain as it is. It is constantly changing. Thinking about the poem, maybe I don’t have to make a choice in the first place. Maybe creating a balance between the two is actually possible. Finding peace amidst chaos is a higher challenge for any of us. Finding success in flickering lamplights gives a deeper meaning to life. I shall not know the answer if it is really possible unless I go through it myself. Life is just like that.