Nowadays, I’m not sure how but elixirs of life come in plastic bottles with labels on it. I remember how fond my mom was with Olay back then. She keeps reminding my aunt who is in the US to buy her one each time she sends a package.

I guess that’s just how people are – we don’t want to look old. A lot of anti aging product packages offer ageless beauty via creams and lotions.

In my opinion though, agelessness doesn’t come from your skin or your body’s figure. It comes from the character that’s way beyond what creams and lotions can enhance.

Last Saturday, me and my housemates had the chance to go road tripping to La Union, one of the country’s surf spot I have been keenly interested about surfing and it was my second time to go and try the waves. As a plus, we had my house mate’s new xtrail road-tested.

So we packed our bags and head out to the north. We arrived at about 3am Sunday. At least we had the chance to take some sleep. At about lunch, we got the keys to our room so most of us had better sleep. For me, I spent some time sitting on one of the beach huts. The wind was cool and the sun was up. It was priceless…

It was a moment I have been waiting for for weeks now. I have been soaked [paused: creating a new media player play list for night mood] with work lately and this break is just what I need I actually invited two of my housemates to try out surfing. Apparently, they don’t like it as much as I do. Well, at least they had the experience As for me, this is just the beginning…

This time, I had more long rides. One session I had was all about how to survive basic surfing without the trainer. It was tough, balancing above the board, waiting for your wave and rotating quickly as you change from sitting to lying position, paddling furiously until the waves accelerates your board. Whew, it was challenging, not to mention tiring. I felt my shoulder and arms swell from the physically-demanding sport. But it was all worth it. Nothing beats taking the ride as the wave pushes your board forward. The wind and water is all over. If all goes well, you’re on top of the board, balancing between going forward and staying back.

So far, I realized that surfing is all about going with the flow. I learned to respect the waves. I learned to respect the water. I learned to go with the flow and subtly go along where your board leads you. I learned this when for several tries, my board kept going rightward. I always fall. Until my trainer told me not to control it but to let it go and simply.. ride it.

It was a life-saver. A lot of times, I find myself upset not being able to control things – my time, my tasks. There are a lost of things I simply can’t control. That’s something I need to learn in life There is only so much you can actually influence. Always begin with yourself.

So the two days went by, both fun, tiring and relaxing. The trip takes about seven hours by road, one way. So, I had plenty of time to think – think about my life, about my dreams, about almost anything.  Oddly, a lot of those moments, I felt lonely. I don’t know why but sometimes I tend to dwell on the sadder moods. Must be the hopeless romantic dreamer in me. I’m always caught up in this cloud of solitude, silent and wondering, feeling every moment of it.

As we went back, I was trying not to think about work. Work is never ending. That’s why I decided not to entertain my it. Otherwise, it forfeits my vacation. It was all worth it.

This morning was my last day of vacation. I decided to keep my work mails for tomorrow. I had time to chat with Switee, updating each other on our lives, then rested more. After a nap, I found myself preparing for a day out. I decided to watch a movie that suited my mood. Then I found “A Time-Traveler’s Wife” – my kind of movie. Well, I’m a guy who likes to watch touching movies, movies that portray life’s sadness and excitements. Love and family, it was all there.

One thing that really touches me in movies like this is the feeling of loss. I always dread the thought of losing a loved one. I have not experienced it with my family but I know it’s inevitable. I just hope I’m ready for it when it comes. I guess the reality of death simply makes us treasure our loved ones all the more. The movie had a sad ending but comforting. For me, it was great.

From the movie, I went to have badminton with my officemates which was fun. Then, I went home, prepared everything for tomorrow, cleaned up then went to write this entry.

Tomorrow is another day for work. All in all, I had a great vacation. Though right now, I feel a bit sad. I’m missing my Switee, my family, my nephews and neices. Maarteng Sushi and Ki-at na Kiko. I miss long walks with Switee, and hours of talking in the park. Oh happy days…

I know we’ll see each other soon We are where we are and all of this is for whatever God brings us for the future. Life is like surfing, most part of it is out of your control. Life is like a movie, full of love and emotions. Life is like travelling, you only enjoy it once you appreciate the view along the way.

I guess my vacation was all about it – a three day run through of life itself.

P. S. Love you my dear. Missing you so much

Anyway, work is currently heavy. I have yet to finish my project and a lot other than it are coming my way. The other week was excruciating as I was in a week-long training. This means I would have to do my work load at night throughout the training. I work right after I get home. It was very very tiring. But, that’s just how it is in the corporate world. I guess…

So throughout the month, I was longing for vacation – one that I hope could sooth me out from the pains of sleepless and stressful nights. Good thing, we recently had a long weekend. I was able to go to my office mate’s house warming and got some time to slack off. Though I feel I need more, I guess it’s better than nothing.

Next week is another long weekend so I hope I can score better in terms of relaxation and recuperation.

Well oh well oh well… (Sigh). I do know why but I always have this lonely feeling every Sunday night. Must be with the thinking that tomorrow is “back to work” day. Now wonder other people have Monday blues. Hehe. Boasting aside though, I actually feel energized every Monday. I feel I can do a lot, especially when I’m early. Maybe because I don’t have Monday blues. I have Sunday Night blues, hehe.

That’s one good thing though. I wake up ready for the week. I hope I do tomorrow morning

Another thing I’d like to share before I go. I have been practicing long deep breaths lately for oxygenation and relaxation. I think it really works, especially at times when you want to relax and focus. Notice how short-breath a person is when he or she is stressed? That’s because the body demands for more oxygen due to increased blood flow. Just something I learned from a respected office mate of mine. (Thanks Gunjan, you’re a life saver )

I guess that’s it for now. Need to hit the sack. Good night everyone

My mind is confused and my heart is heavy. Probably because of thoughts and emotions intertwined in complexity and turmoil. I don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to stop.

I remember someone saying that you can describe LIFE in three words. It goes on. True enough, it does. Just like in a race, when one falls, the others go on and continue. At times when you feel you hit rock bottom, the world doesn’t stop to morn with you, to be sad with you, to simply listen to you. Things keep on moving. People keep on living. That’s just how things are in this world of the living.

I would say that right now, I’m once again in a crossroad. Faced with a choice of changing my world or changing my self. There are times in one’s life that you tend to be too comfortable of what you are and what you have that you don’t accept change. You resist change. I guess that’s where I am. I am stuck in this small, little comfortable air bubble that I call my reality and simply ignores the harsh realities that I should be dealing with outside.

Whenever you are outside your comfort zone, you are vulnerable. And basically, I don’t want to feel such. To simply put it, I’m not much of a risk taker. I play safe. And I guess that’s where trouble begins. Whenever trouble boils, I tend to shield myself by going inside my bubble, my mental place of safety. I stay there and wait until the coast is clear. I find out later on that the world has passed by me.

Resistance to change is resistance to growth. I know I’m preaching ironically. But saying it boldly is something to start with. I hate change probably because I hate to grow. Why do I hate to grow? Because it’s painful. Who wants pain right? But should one stop growing just because it’s painful?

It’s often difficult to bring yourself to conclusion. As a person, we usually solicit advice from others who know us and see us in a different light. Right now, I’m writing “out loud” my thoughts. This way, I get to document it. Read it. And make it a reality. As writing they say is therapeutic, it is as well a means to personal realization and resolution. I hope to reach that stage, that part where happy endings are simply the beginnings.

I remember one time I took this “How Geek are You” test in facebook. The result made me smirk. It said I am not really a geek but just a dreamer caught in my little own world. It was fun. But I felt it was true as well. It brought about a silent reality in me, a confirming thought I tried to avoid.

So I guess this is where I am right now. A lot must be done, inside and out. I guess what you feel inside manifests outside, in your actions, your words. Cleaning the outside is but a useless effort if one does not begin within. Once again, I’m preaching ironically here. But I guess that’s just how I talk to myself.

Life is hard and avoiding it makes it much worse. One just have to learn to live with the fact that things just don’t always go our way. Quoting one book, “The world does not owe us a living. In fact, it does not owe us anything. It was here first”. Very true.

I guess I just have to learn to swallow what I find difficult to swallow. That’s just how it is – all in the world of the living.

The two old colleagues just had a business trip at the big city, so it was a good time to catch-up on each other. They’ll be attending a training in the next two days so I was trying to schedule some time with them before they get too busy.

Well, that’s just how it is living in a place that you still can’t call home. You always look for the familiar – familiar friends and friendly faces, homey stories and the usual laughter with good old pals. Growing up and starting a new life is fun and at the same time, challenging. Often times, I long for the home I know. However, I cannot deny the fact that a lot of things amaze me in this new life I have – new cultures (some weird, some nice), new attitudes, new people. I would say, this new life of mine has brought me deeper maturity of my understanding of things.

I guess this is my reality right now. My past is all but behind me, and my future is yet to unf0ld. A lot of what lies beyond, I do not know of. All I have is my past, and the faith in my God  which helps me look forward each and every day.

Many times, I wake up in the morning wondering what will transpire before me. Smiling as the day begins helps a lot to start your day. Real joy is not something you solicit from others. Real joy is what comes from within after being greatful of what you have.

Still, a lot of times, I cannot hide the truth of loneliness. Even until now, I still long for the life I had back home. I still long for the times when I see my Switee everyday. I still long for the life I had when my world was smaller and my reality was less than what I have now. But then again, the only way to go is forward. And onward, forward, one must go through life. The last time I went home, many where very much the same. The smell, the touch, the presence at home is always the same. If there is one thing that’s  changed, it was me. Life has changed me. I might deny it now but the things you learn outside the comforts of your home is always something unfamiliar.

Unfamiliarity brings with it anxiety. But it brings a lot of good stuff as well – new friendships, new learnings, new points of view, things that are essential in growing as a person. Right now, I tend to shape what I hope to be in the future. But in reality, I do not know of what I become in the future. It is in faithfulness that one finds comfort and peace of mind in whatever the future holds. A lot of moments will be happy, a lot will be sad, and a lot are dull, boring moments. But surely, whatever the future may hold, there is only one thing that you have control of. That is the present. Making the most of it is never easy. In fact, it’s a craft. Yet in failure, you get to learn. In failure, you get to realize how frail and limited a being you are. It is in accepting one’s finite capacity that you get to see the greatness of an infinite God. Accepting that reality brings you peace.

As I was writing, I was playing this web radio and the music was soothing and calm. It’s a contempo station and the music was taking me to thoughts of the past and the future. Well, I could never take away the thoughts I have of my switee… I keep her in my prayers. Stay safe my dear… (sorry for the cluttered thoughts )

Tomorrow is another day. Monday work day. Another chance to do one’s best

Let me sleep tonight. I hope I get to see you in my dreams my dear. For now, let me embrace you there…

P. S. loving you always my switee

The song takes me to a place where I hope I could get away to with my sweet one… a secluded island  of white sand and tropical rainforest on the side. Pretty much like the island in “The Beach”. I know one somewhere in Davao Oriental where my Mom and Dad visited few decades back. I hope I get to see it someday.

Well, that’s how my mind goes especially when I’m soaked at work and I just want to release off the tension. I guess I’ll find a way to grab these youtube videos again and make an mp3 out of it.

In a few days, I’ll be in Cebu and Bohol and hopefully I get to have the relaxation I have been looking for. Looking forward as the days tick away. Can’t wait to click my camera again

This morning, after getting a haircut. I decided to pay the wet market a visit. I was a bit surprise how plenty the options are. I get to buy chicken and fish at cheaper prices. I also get to buy fresh veggies which a plus. Maybe I’ll go their soon when the supplies run out.

The weekend was quite good. My week has been crazy… I had deadlines, a three-day training, an presentation to practice and organize, etc… Well, that’s work for me. I guess when you are running in momentum, you don’t feel tired yet. Only when everything is clear and done that you begin to feel the exhaustion. Yeah.. that’s how things work around here

Well, I guess this is enough for now. I have to wake-up early tomorrow. I have to go to the gym since I missed my schedule due to the tight week that I had. Gotta go. Post here soon

My birthday is weird. Throughout the day, I just wanted to be alone. There is that side of me again wanting to escape – from the daily tasks, worries, from the daily grind. Haaay buhay!

I posted a status message in Facebook and a friend of mine commented “wala man gud si may”. Well, that might be the reason. Simply said, I am sad. And I’m missing her so much. I just wasn’t able to handle my emotions that I bursted in fury during our conversation. Sorry my dear. I know you deserve more than that. I hope you can forgive me

I remember about two years ago, my girlfriend surprised me early in the morning. I was oddly irritated about everybody around. It was really weird. I guess I’m not really used to celebrating birthdays. We never celebrate. Well, I could remember a few instances when we had celebrations when I was a kid. That’s really fine with me too.

Right now, I’m sitting in this plastic table in my apartment. The night has set in. I could hear the boiling water at my back. The fan is blowing, seemingly too tired of doing so. I’m playing some instrumental music in my Ipod and a speaker. Really sweet.. and sad as well..

I wish I could go back to the time when i had few concerns about life. Well, life is never a fairy tale. That’s why fairy tales are written to complement reality.

I know now how sad I am. And it’s either I sulk here until the weekend passes, only to wake up to work again.. Or, I could do something productive and relaxing. Like watercolor painting perhaps? I have been itching to hold a paintbrush again. After about three to four years, I will paint again.

Yes, that’s it. Things really do happen in certain times – in their time.

Well, this is just a time in my life. Happy 24th birthday to me

My officemates gave me this last night. Thanks guys

Missing you my dear, always…

This must be how it is to be away from the one you love.

Eight years of being together is not easy to change. We have been sharing our lives that long. Although we have not gotten married yet, being together for us was more than a habit. It was the lifestyle that we virtually grew into.

I did not have much cliques and so did she because we were usually with each other. I didn’t mind though having to spend most of my hours with her. For sure, we do go out with common friends and mutual close friends. We even had times where we would be apart for a few weeks because of work or long family trips and vacations. Still, it is not easy to just ignore the sadness.

It was a few months back when we planned for ourselves. She wanted to experience working abroad and I wanted to have a management job. We both got what we want, yes. But then, you don’t get everything that you want all at once.

It might be difficult to explain. Many couples have experienced an ample amount of times being away from each other. Well, each have their own coping skills. I guess we are still working on ours.

Right now, new opportunities are coming for each of us. It might be difficult to get used to but we know, the day will come when we will be together again… some sweet day…

I just keep holding on to my prayer for her to be safe and happy always. It is this time that we find our refuge to the God that we know and we believe in. He will never leave us, never forsake us.

Take care always my switee…

Loving you always

Well, enough has been said on how new things are for me in the big city. Even after six months, I still have the thoughts of life back here.

The past few months has been a run run. Life was so fast. I got the job that I asked for – probably the best that I can ever have. Still, I realized how independence, good paying job and personal career rewards could not compensate for the absence of family and loved one.

I went embracing my new life with the faith that God has set this path for me. However, somewhere along the way, I lost my sight of the road. I started to get too absorbed on my job – meetings, deadlines, all went in a rumble. To me, the way to do this is keep myself as organized and as well-planned as possible.

Apparently, that was not what God planned for me. With that attitude inside me, I was bringing myself away from the life that I believe God was trying to lead me to. I was living my own life – I plan my itinerary, I see to it that things go my way. The reality is – it doesn’t always follow as you say so.

Yesterday, I was with my high school friends enjoying the day at the white sand beach. Later in the afternoon, I had an accident. I dived under a bamboo line when I hit my forehead with a sharp coral. My head was liked axed in the middle. For sure, the coral was sharp enough to cut me straight in the middle of my forehead and rough enough to scratch almost all the surface of my nose. Yikes!

I really didn’t see that coming. Inside my head, I was thinking “what a great ending for a well awaited vacation”. My heart was devastated, not to mention I am still aching from my girlfriend’s absence. I was about to fly back to Makati this afternoon but I have to go back to the doctor for the stitches to be removed five days after. I re-booked for January 10 then after my bosses’ approvals.

What I realized now is how one should be flexible in living one’s life. But above it, I as well saw again how humans tend to put in their on hand their lives, forgetting that they are simply beings created by someone much more Supreme than they.

It’s difficult to light a candle when everyone seem to blow the light off. Keeping it well lit always begins by going to church again. Then, keeping a candle lit requires everyday sacrifice, a daily renewal of self with your Creator.

This is not an easy task. Yet, no easy task rewards much. In here lies the meaning of life for me. In this thought, I see how God puzzles things – circumstances, conditions, environment all in fulfilling His great picture.

Living in the big city, I realized this is not always the case for people. To many, God is something revered by others. To some, God does not exist. This is how God works with people – he never forces anyone to believe in Him.

This may be what lies in front of me – keeping your candle lit in a cruel, Godless world. Sometimes, we are so tied up with the thought of offending others with our beliefs. So we succumb to the ways of the world to blend in. After a while, it feels good. You feel so normal and natural. Before you know it, you are headed for disaster. It hits you point blank, right between your eyes… very much like mine, only less literal .

A lot of things that happen in our lives, we do not understand. Sometimes, when we don’t get any explanation, we try to make our own. We rationalize things. We don’t wait for revelations to unfold, we create our own.

This is where I believe I have forgotten to keep in mind – to sometimes let things unfold. I was impatient and persistent. Behind that, I was afraid I do not like the outcome of things, so I do things my way. Little do I know that destruction lies ahead.

I often close my posts with a conclusion, to simply wrap things up before closing a post. This time, I guess leaving it hanging will be alright. Yep, wrapping up a post for me is part of trying to rationalize my thoughts when in fact, a lot of your thoughts are there for you to think over for a lifetime. Life is not black or white. It has colors in between. The more you try to place things as either black or white takes away the colors of life. I guess it’s a choice to see the colors in between…

I quickly turned on my laptop and checked if I can catch her. Luckily I did as she was about to sleep already for her first day at her new school. They just came from getting some groceries for the winter. Aparently, the weather there has not yet turned to be its worst. Good thing as it allows them to at least adopt better.

When she finally had to go to sleep, I went on planning my day. I thought of going to the nearby mall (my apartment is a walking distance from Rockwell) to get some stuff to cook. I was thinking of Maki and Waldorf Salad and Chicken Pesto Marinate so I went checking the web for the ingredients. It’s really interesting how you get to do stuff you usually get tired to do, or even just to think about. Good thing, my house mate brought with him some appliances (like tv, fridge and cooking stuff) as cooking can really save a lot instead of buying meals outside. I had a brief time going around the house and doing some clean-ups before finally going to buy food to cook.

After cleaning up, I went to the grocery to get the stuff I need and went straight back home. While I was cooking, I decided to turn the tv off and put some soothing music from the ipod. I like it when I get to do something while soothing my self with music. It made cooking more relaxing than tiring.

All the while, I was trying to find myself again. I am still missing my girl badly but I know all things work together for good. I always try to look at the brighter side of things though sometimes, you just can’t hide sadness. I often find my self going out of my realities during these times. I didn’t bother my work stuff (which I planned to do in the weekend since I got caught up with a three-day training last week and work just piled up – naturally). I didn’t even bother going out to a party where an office mate of mine invited me. I just thought that it wouldn’t help me relax at all. Right now, I just want to calm my mind. I know that tomorrow, I’ll be back to work – back to the daily grind, the continuous need for good performance, the stuff that corporate people do.

I recalled before how I have always been a dreamer. I mean, I often find myself going aroung the garden, trying to make stuff out of plants and insects. I also remember myself going out to the front yard in a Saturday morning just to be inspired and be able to write a poem. Looking back, I wonder how I got to be in a world where I am right now. Why didn’t I become a painter, or a poet perhaps or a landscape artist? Well, God is leading me where I am right now and I guess this is where I ought to be. But I guess giving in to my artist side wouldn’t be bad. In fact, I guess it would be therapeutic even. Working your logic part of the brain more than eight hours a day sure needs a balancing, working your creative side of the brain. I guess it helps ease out tension and reliefs headaches and psychological pains caused by over working.

Oh well, I guess I just try to get busy now that my Switee has gone quite far to follow her dreams. I am alone again in my apartment. After arriving with my food to cook, I went on and heated up the pan. Well, here’s what I got from being alone:

My version of Switee’s Maki

My version of Switee’s Maki – Huggy style

My Sour Chicken Sort-of-a-Waldorf Salad (red and green apples, cashew, celery, yogurt, mayo, chicken, etc..)

After the preparation, I had a sumptious meal. Sadly, switee’s not here to share my bowls and plates of happiness. Good thing she taught me how to make Maki before she left (we even had a little argument because of it ). When I eat Maki, I feel like she’s near me sharing with it. Oh well. These are just few things to make my feelings a little better. Still, it always more yummy sharing your food with the one you love.

Well, I hope we both get our heads straight soon. I know this is what we want for now. We want to prepare for the future and at the same time experience life to the fullest while we are young I know we are holding on to something worth giving all our efforts. And with this, I would like to end my post with a smile.

Take care always switee. Love yah!